Tuesday, 17 December 2019
3 comments:
Thank you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comments.
Positive - something I have done well.
Thoughtful - a sentence or more that lets me know you that you read/watched or listened to what I had to say.
Helpful - please give me some ideas for next time or ask a question you want to know more about.
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Kia Ora Ailie,
ReplyDeleteYour poem is so much fun to read. I keep reading it aloud because it’s fun to say with its changing pace and dramatic ending. I particularly like how you’ve taken famous things from the moon landing and incorporated them into your work. Using Buzz as a name and including an adaptation of the famous quote “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind” is incredibly clever. I’m very impressed.
I also like the way you have included pictures and colours of earth. It creates an amazing visual and is definitely appealing to your readers.
Isn’t it crazy to think that when astronauts walk on the moon, they technically become aliens because they’re not from there. What do you think aliens would look like? I think they’d be green and maybe have extra eyes.
I did notice that the top of your poem is a little bit hard to read because of your gradient background going from light green to dark and your text itself being white. Maybe you could change the colour of the text so it stands out a bit more for your readers or outline it with black.
Keep up the outstanding work
Mā te wā
Shannon
Kia Ora!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I wanted to include Buzz Aldrin in anyway possible and I think it turned out quite well. I find it cool you caught up on the quote that I tried to use.
When I was drawing with Sumo Paint, I had quite a good drawing, but I didn't save it and deleted the tab with Sumo Paint on it. Fun times. I think aliens would look like a mix of orange, green and yellow all blended together. I might even make a blog post on it.
I don't really want to change the colour but I might have to because for some reason if I try to change the border on the text it changes the text box, even when I highlight it.
Bye!
Kia Ora Ailie,
DeleteYou did so well in it, I definitely caught on to what you were trying to achieve!
That’s unfortunate, but at least you’ll know to save it next time. Think of it as a learning opportunity! I’d love to see a blog post on what you think aliens would look like. Perhaps you could draw one, and then describe how you think it walks and talks and maybe what it’s planet looks like!
You don’t have to change the colour if you don’t want to! It still looks really good and is a very clever use of blue and green. Maybe if you wanted to, you could just make the background a solid green rather than a gradient but again it’s just a suggestion, not absolutely necessary.
Hei konā mai,
Shannon